THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Oh my God! I do believe a noncorporeal entity has entered the vicinity!
(Look, a ghost!)


(Thanks, StarryEyes!)

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Draega in a really, really skimpy outfit.


A more recent picture of Draega.
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POINTS TO PONDER
Note that most of these were not thought up by me but rather taken off random sources that list them.

WORDS
Monosyllabic
Long
Non-self-descriptive


RANDOMLY ODD THINGS
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Why are they called apartments if they are so close together?
Why do drive-thru ATMs have Braille on them?
Are trick-or-treaters wearing sheets dressed up as mattresses?
Why do 7-11s have locks on their doors if they are open all day of every day of every year?
The word 'therapist' is made up of 'the' and 'rapist'.
"THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK"
If we are what we eat, and we eat the dead, does that make us dead?
How come we say 'six foot three' but 'six feet, three inches'?
Babysitters are teenagers who act like adults while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Why are all farms red?
Which do bald men wash their heads with, shampoo or soap?
Why is there not a channel one on TV?
Why are there dents in golf balls?
Why are the obituaries found in the "living" section of the newspaper?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence?
What would happen if you put a humidifier and a dehumidifier in the same room?
Are one-handed people offended when police tell them to put their hands up?
If you built a time machine with all new parts and you went back, would the parts you use disappear because they didn't exist then?
How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the same time?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbits?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
If you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
What do mermaids eat?
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?
If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
If anything's possible, then is it possible that nothing's possible?
Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?
If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
If a police car, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail truck are all at a four-way stop, who has the right of way?
Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks aren't?
Are there female leprechauns?
Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
Do fish sleep?
Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
Do pigs pull ham strings?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
Why do people say heads up when you should duck?
Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?
Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
Why do they call the clock where you punch your time card called a "time" clock? Aren't all clocks "time" clocks?
Why does blow and suck mean the same thing when we describe something being crap?
Can dogs have dog days?
When a male is elected president, his wife is called the First Lady. What would a lady's husband be called if she were elected president?
If you are born on February 29 of a leap year, when is your birthday?
Do birds pee?
Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
Why do they call it 2% milk if it's 2% fat, not milk?
What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
If you had x-ray vision but closed your eyes, could you still see?
Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for.
If water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere and water spins counter-clockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere, which way does it spin at the equator?
If you own a piece of land and there is a volcano on it and it ruins a near-by town, do you have to pay for the property damage?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside, would you feel the wind?
Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when they're not even crackers - they're cookies?
How many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie pop?
Have ex-cowboys become deranged?
Have ex-drycleaners become depressed?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada?
Why do old men have hair in their ears?
Why are things typed up but written down?
Why do caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
What does OK actually mean?
What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
Why do we feel blue? And what colour does a Smurf feel when it is down?
Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?
Why do donuts have holes?
Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?
Do the different "M&M's"® colours taste different?
If you’re born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "It went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye-bye" but not "hi-hi"?
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why do they call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
Why do they call it a running back when he is running forward?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental, aren't you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom" when it's really in the middle of your body?
How come no matter what colour the liquid is, the froth is always white?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do they call them guidance counsellors when all counsellors do is offer guidance?
Why do they call it "head over heels in love" if our heads are always over our heels?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
If someone can't see, they're blind, and if someone can’t hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
Why would Superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out?
What is a male ladybug called?
Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks?
Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?
If you wore a Teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
If you mated a bull dog and a shitzu, would it be called a bullshit?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Does the President have to pay taxes?
Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights?
If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair?
If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?
Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Isn't it kind of ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag?
What ever happened to an E grade? We have A, B, C, D, and F, but no E.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice"?
What do you call a female daddy long legs?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? Or do they have to ask for American toast?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
Why are softballs hard?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a bank, would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why doesn't a chicken egg taste like chicken?
Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Do mimes watch silent movies?
Is the fear of flying groundless?
Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when it’s going down?
Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet?
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when you’re almost dead you’re on death’s doorstep, but when you’re actually dead you’re not in death’s house?
Why do we scrub down and wash up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack"?
If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why is the blackboard green?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
What came first, the fruit or the colour orange?
Can blind people see their dreams?
If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? And if so, aren't we all masochists?
Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an Immovable Object?
What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
How can you hear yourself think?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
if you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
How can something be new and improved? If it's new, what was it improving on?
Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
Why do the ABC song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
How does Santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
What would Cheeses say if they got their picture taken?
Why are turds pinched off at the end?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
What would you use to dilute water?
What should one call a male ladybird?
How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere but call it a haemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone ever get addicted to counselling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How does the guy who drives the snow plough get to work in the mornings?
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar, do you believe him?
If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
If you were travelling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio, would you be able to hear it?
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you have your finger touching the rear-view mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbour, will he complain?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
If you're travelling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Do suicidal cannibals eat themselves?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
Isn't hot water already hot?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
What colour is a chameleon on a mirror?
What colour would a Smurf turn if you choked it?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbit’s foot?
What hair colour do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
What is a free gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What is the speed of dark?
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
What's another word for synonym?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why are we afraid of falling?
Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
Why do airlines call flights non-stop?
Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do bars advertise live bands?
What does a dead band sound like?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
Why do guys wear underpants?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do they call it disposable douche?
Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
Is it because of that song?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Are there Seeing Eye humans for blind dogs?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
How did a fool and his money get together?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?



OXYMORONS
Microsoft Works
Government Organization
Military Intelligence
Anarchy Rules
Graduate Student
Mobil Station
New and Improved
Scottish Danish
One Second
Single Couple
Civil War


WORDS OF WISDUMB
Life's a game. Play it like you mean it.
Life's a game. Don't play it if you don't mean it.
For each time mankind progresses, man himself regresses.
Knowledge is fallacy.
Boredom is a powerful motivation for idiocy.
Death is inevitable, so sit back and enjoy it.



I ACTUALLY DID MAKE THIS UP
(But please feel free to take it and use it.)
If 'candid' means 'truthful', why the fryggin hell do they call them candidates?