When we got rid of my kiddie potty so I could use a real toilet, I said good bye to it. And kissed it. =X

I had two plastic full-sized baby dolls of opposite sexes with their... speshul places intact. And no clothes on. When I was about eight, I sewed them clothes in a class. Think the teacher was moderately creeped out.

I once planted rocks in flowerpots. They were outside, so some seeds must have gotten in, or maybe my parents planted something. But I thought that the rocks had grown, and I told that story over and over.

I once asked my mommy why my daddy's peninsula looked different from mine. She explained about him being circumscised and everything in public. Amusing.

When we were living in a cabin in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the woods, which my dad had built, my aunt, uncle, and cousins visited. I was about two at the time, and my oldest cousin was around 12. He was on the floor above us, right where I was standing. Suddenly, I decided to run over to my mommy for no reason. A second later, his floor board gives way and he CRAHSES ON TO OUR FLOOR right where I was standing a minute ago. I would have been dead. ;-;

I was once playing with a stick that was in the general shape of a gun, pretending to shoot a fly. Another kid asked me for the stick, and I gave it to him. He swatted the fly with it, whiteish stuff came out. I cried inside.

Once, a three-year-old girl saw my baby doll with the cook. She had never seen a cook, and asked what it was. After much careful thought, I told her the proper name, and said that I also had one and showed her. She seemed to like the name, but couldn't pronounce it, and kept saying "penite! penite!". In front of our parents. CHILD!MOLESTING!ACTION!YO!

Oh! Once, I called a radio show, and I think I was the only one who expressed the other side of the issue. So people kept referring to me as "that young lady" during their calls.

Once, I was wading in water with my mommy. It was getting too deep for me, so I said something like "Mother Earth and Father Sky will not allow me to go any further, so I must go back to the shore." Only more retarted.

Oh! I was once convinced that if I put enough stickers with numbers on them (like elevator buttons) on our wall, it would magically turn into an elevator. When it didn't work, I decided that it must be all of the other stickers I had on the same wall stopping it.

We were on a hill with lots of other people, watching fireworks on July 4th. I wanted to take a stand for animal rights, so I started walking around on all fours, and eating grass. And saying "I'm a cow, please don't eat me!" Think I ate more than my fair share of pesticides that day.

Once, a boy who my parents wanted me to have as a friend seemed to really want to be my friend. He lost most interest after discovering I was a boy. =X

Oh! At one point, I had worms. My parents had to stop me from pulling down my pants and scratching the inside of my butt in public, because that would be ever-so-slightly impolite.

And when they wanted to give me some thingy to get rid of the worms, I didn't want them to. I said that the worms didn't deserve to die, and that they were my fwienndssssss. My mommy even decided to pretend to be a worm, and say "Leif! Please don't let them kill me!"

Once, some kids were pulling leaves off of trees and such. I decided that it tortured the poor plants (no idea where I got that idea, seeing as how I'm not a fruititarian) and yelled at them. Then I pulled a fern out of the ground (by its roots, doing more damage than they did), put it over my forhead, and shouted loudly "I AM LEIF, PROTECTOR OF PLANTS, AND THIS LEAF IS MY SYMBOL!"

When I was seven-ish, I decided to start a club called DWB, Dealing With Bullies. Was originally going to be called something like "Kids Against Cody's Gang", because I had decided that this kid named Cody had a gang of bullies, but my dad wouldn't let me because it would be mean to Cody. Cody just didn't want to be around a crazy kid who had a time machine that was both infinitely small and infinitely large and was made out of leaves. He was no bully.

I used to be a big fan of blowing spit-bubbles, for some reason. Someone joked to me that I had drank soap, and I said that to the next person who saw it. She didn't say anything, but she slowly backed her kids away.

There was a spider walking on my dad's leg. We were eating tofu at the time, and he put a little piece on his leg for the spider. It ate it, but took a while. He decided to take his pants off, so that he could walk around without disturbing the spider.

The funniest part is that a while later, at some sort of story-telling thing, I decided to tell that story. And I'm pretty sure I said "pants" as "panties".

I once had a flashlight. It was smallish, plastic, and I used to lick it for some reason. I loved it like a... lunch box. Then, it dropped on the floor and broke. So my dad fixed it, but with wires and such on the outside. And NON-LICKABLE. ;-;

Once, grown-ups were discussing kinkAY tickling. I walked in, and started trying to discuss kiddie-type tickling with them. One made the mistake of saying that her boyfriend knew a place to tickle her which would drive her totally crazy, and I didn't get it. I pestered her to death, wanting to know where.

On my parents' anniversary, I made then go under the blankets with me and stay there for a while. I thought it would make a good anniversary ritual, I think. I had no idea of the kinkiness of such a thing at the time.

At the park, I told some kids that my name was Glued Lip. And you had to move your finger across your lips as you said it to glue them, or it wouldn't really be my name. They didn't believe me, and asked my dad. He said that his name was lock jaw, with a key-turning movement to the side of your mouth as you say it. They were ever-so-slightly confused.

Once, I took some juice from the inside of a Japanese Knotweed (bamboo lookalike), and rubbed it on my face because it was super!happy!love!juice (not in a kinky way, in a Barney way). Then some kids told me that it was poison, and I would die within five minutes. I nearly cried. ;-;

Once, some members Neohacks, a 1337 h4x0r group, decided to have a little fun with eC1. They came up with the mighty-creative name of eShitters to call it. I joined Neohacks, pretending to be someone else, and posted a bunch of jokes about eCritters. I came up with a better mean name for my own site than they did, peeShitters. =X

Once, me and a friend were sitting on my couch. I decided to lock my dad in his room as a prank. When I get back, he said something like "let's look at each other's weiners while your dad's locked up!" I didn't get what he meant. =X

Oh! Once, I was in an acting-type class. I was probably too young for it, and my mommy had to read the scripts to me even though all of the other kids could read them themselves. And then I was kicked out for reasons which may or may not have involved poking a girl on her b00bz.

CJ's stories/b]

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This one time, when my sister and I were little, we lived on this farm. (This is the same farm where I beheaded a rooster.) There was medium-sized field in our backyard, where we kept some cows for other people. Well, during the day it got fairly hot, so the cows would move off to the one corner in the shade. Consequently, that corner was soon... FILLED with cow manure. So, one day my sister and I decided we wanted to play in the 'mud'. We took a sprinkler out into the area, and took all our clothes off. Then we proceeded to roll in the manure. We put our clothing in a neat pile off to the side, but it got dirty anyway. Then mommy hosed us off with cold water, and wouldn't let us inside for... several hours. Was cold. ;-;

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My sister and I used to have contests. Whoever had the fastest-growing breats/lower hair, etc won. Of course, I was two years older so I always won everything....

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When we lived in Abbotsford a long while back, my sister went through a preschool faze where she decided that clothing was optional. One day, my mother left us with her boyfriend at the time, Robin. When she returned, she found Sarah running around the neighborhood, buck-naked. She freaked out on Robin, even as he desperately tried to explain that she just wouldn't keep them on, no matter how hard he tried, so he had given up. Yep.

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At some point during the time when my mother was still with Robin, though much later than the previous story, we lived in Penticton. I moved three times in Penticton, but at the time of this particular story, I lived up on the hill. It'd be a long walk to school, so Robin would go with me. There was this one yard with lava rocks in it, and I wanted some because I thought they were pretty. I asked Robin what they were. He claimed that they were called "Leveerite" rocks. I asked him if I could take one, and he said "No. They're Leveerite rocks. Leave 'er right there."

Ten years later, I got the joke.

QAS's stories/b]

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My friend's dog has a little panther plushie. She...likes to hump it. LOTS.

So...she seems like she's into bondage, and such. She throws the plush dog by it's tail, hangs it out the window, poos on it, the whole nine yards. Then she has doggysex with it. x-x;

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Reminds me of the time I ate a green wormy thing off the fence in our backyard. I figured it would...come out and be free, after taking a tour of my digestive system.


THEN MOMMY TOLD ME IT WOULD DIE. ;-;


I was devestated. Cried for an hour. ;-;;; Poor worm. Named him and everything. He was my frieeeend.

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Called a radio show once and told them to stop playing a certian song. They recorded my voice, made it sound like I was saying...something else, and for a month or two the top radio station played me saying speshulstuff. x-x

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Also, I had a plase where I thought I was an elephant and that elephants were afraid of peanuts. (Leif's post reminded me.) So...scared of peanuts for a few months. I made a whole elephant circus routine and had a costume made of constriction paper and glue. I was SPARKLEFLY THE EFELANT.

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Gramma had a little case of porcelain and such, and one time when a little friend of mine came over, I grasped her hand and said uberenthusiastically, "Do you want to see the /treasures/? They're /magical/."

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Hee. Regina, the capital of somewhere in Canada, rhymes with VAGINA. Our teacher taught it in class, and eeeeveryone giggled. Regina. Hee.

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Oh. One time, we went to the Hamptons when I was sixish. We were staying at a home, and our neighbor was some uberfamous composer. At the time, I was determined to be a singer like Baaaarney. So...I grabbed my sister and my little xylophone things reaaaaaly early in the morning. We...walked into his unlocked house and outside the room he was staying in. Banged on the xylophone and my sister played pans. I sang, too. =X Nearly gave the poor fogey a heart attack. Called the cops, except... we were to scared to say anything, so we ended up at the station with them interrogation us to find out who the lovely parents of the Musical Morning Children were.

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Also. I had a cutesy little Pochohontas Disney lunchbox. I luuuuuurved it. <3 So, one day, my ADD had caused me to have a minispasm. I was twirling around with my arms our and my eyes closes, and my lunchbox in my hand. In the middle of the school driveway. So, I all of a sudden let go of my lucnchbox and it fell on the ground and spun into the gutter. ;-; I was SAD. That's not all. I was a...skinny little girl. So, I followed my lunchbox into the gutter to retrieve it. But no. All I got was and hour with rats trapped in a gutter nd a good slapping from the nuns. ;-; NEVER SAW POCOHONTAS AGAIN.

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My dogs had an electric fence, and one day I decided that my sister and I should be dogs. So we put the collars on, 'cept they didn't fit the whole way. So we had to hold them in our mouths. Then, the ice cream truck came by, and we forgot about the...electric part of the electric fence, and runrunrun to catch the truck.

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I thought I was a vampire, but I had a little poem that would turn my powers on.

I call upon the powers of Myyhr (Er..spellcheck.)
To turn me into a vampire
And swirl upon the powers of night
Into an endless, darkening flight.

Speshulkid, yus. And...I continues to play vampire until Sister Ann told me that the reason I was bleeding one day was because I had worshiped the devil by playing vampires and that I was condemned forever. She said this to a six-year-old. ;-;

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When I was 7 or 8, we went to church on Sunday and it was a pick-your-own song day. They said the song had to be 'awe-inspiring' and 'beautiful'. I picked a Spice Girls song and Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds because I thought they were prettyful and tear-provoking. Annnd. They had picked me to sing for the church because I was cutey and little. 'Cept, I was s'posed to sing a Psalm. But I thought I'd surprise everyone by breaking into the Spice Girls and Beatles mid-song. So I did. X-x Haven't asked me back. =O

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Got stuck in an elevator once, with a creepy sweaty man. I told him that he should lose a few pounds and try to dress nicer. So he picks up his phone and dials a number and starts talking in some code language and he puts me on the phone. Then all of a sudden, a voice says (from the phone) WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, YOU RUDE LITTLE GIRL. Then the firefigheters came, 'cause I pushed the fire button.

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My sister and I had a contest for like...six years...on who could slap each other on the butt the most. 'Twas a constant race. x-x Lots of speshulness. We would kick, chase, the whole nine yards. Then we started Sex-Ed. X-x;

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A few years back...started having...puberty. x-x


Sooo...I figured both genders went thought what I was going through, and sat down with Kevin and talked about...everything. He nodded and agreed, and then he told me I was sick and wrong.


He threw pads at me. ;-;

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Orkin guy came to my basement once and got on his belly to look for worms and rats and such. Thennnn...he started rolling around on the floor and such, and being st00pid. He grabbed my ankle. ;-;


Tested positive for drugs. =X

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When I was four, I was in Daisy Girl Scouts. I was pretending to be a ballerina, and I spun really fast with my eyes closed. Unfortunatley, I didn't sense that I was nearing a table. A sharp table. ;-; I hit it, and tore open my lip. So...I didn't want to make the ebil leader mad, so I ranranran to the bathroom and stuffed paper towels in my mouth, hoping she wouldn't notice.

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So...I was around threeish, and I wasn't allowed to drink Coke. MAD. So...I discovered what happened when you shook the bottles in your anger.

Took about 6 bottles and, with my sister, shook them all excessivley. We then proceeded to run around the all-white living room painted like madchildren, spraying Coke everywhere.

Cinamon's stories:

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When I was 6, I thought I was a vampire because some kid at my babysitter's house told me he was. My canine teeth were getting sharp at that point, so I continued to think I was a vampire until I was about 7 and a half. =X My mom tells this story to every one of my friends, because she goes into detail and explains what makes it funny. I don't feel like embarassing myself that much, though. =[

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Oh! When I was 7, I got a huge bunny for Easter. When my parents went to work the next day, and my brothers babysat me, they humped my bunny, and I was afraid to touch it because I had no clue what they did to it. I told my mom when she came home, and she asked me to show her exactly what they did. X-x; I showed her, and she told me to never do that again. They got grounded.

Alien Girl's Stories/b]

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Oh! Once an older kid asked me to hump that pole. I was 7 or 8, and didn't know what that was. I vaguely remembered seeing another of my friends dared to do this one, and remembered what she did.

I layed on the ground, on my stomach, and did some sort of.. grindy, bumpy thing.

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Oh! The other... day, I had a freak-out in an elevator. I'd just rewatched Final Destination 2, and was afraid of you know, my head being stuck between the elevator doors, and then the door getting stuck, and being decapitated when the elevator started to go down. I came out shaking. And.. nothing happened.

OwlManAtt's Story/b]

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During spanish once we were trying to figure out what these words from other languages meant by comparing them to their spanish translations.

I did 'pan'. The word was it went with was 'panis'.

Mm, fresh, hot, italian panis...

Mitgui's Story/b]

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When I was 8 my mom explained the facts of life to me, but she forgot something.. and when she was done, I asked her how the sperm gets through the clothes.