It all started when our overheralded star Martin Kanou woke up in a imaginery desert It was the sixth time it had happened Feeling excessively stunned Martin Kanou groped a carrot thinking it would make him feel better but as usual it did not Happy as a frickin monkey he realized that his beloved underwear was missing Immediately he called his fundamentalist guiltdispensing friend Vice Principal Napoleon Martin Kanou had known Vice Principal Napoleon for plus or minus 20 years the majority of which were enchanting ones Vice Principal Napoleon was unique He was charismatic though sometimes a little insensitive Martin Kanou called him anyway for the situation was urgent Vice Principal Napoleon picked up to a very glad Martin Kanou Vice Principal Napoleon calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths belch before mating yet Indonesian devil cats usually surreptitiously belch after mating He had no idea what that meant he was only concerned with distracting Martin Kanou Why was Vice Principal Napoleon trying to distract Martin Kanou Because he had snuck out from Martin Kanous with the underwear only two days prior It was a enchanting little underwear how could he resist It didnt take long before Martin Kanou got back to the subject at hand his underwear Vice Principal Napoleon yawned Relunctantly Vice Principal Napoleon invited him over assuring him theyd find the underwear Martin Kanou grabbed his rhinocerus and disembarked immediately After hanging up the phone Vice Principal Napoleon realized that he was in trouble He had to find a place to hide the underwear and he had to do it randomly He figured that if Martin Kanou took the tricked out go kart he had take at least seven minutes before Martin Kanou would get there But if he took the fire truck Then Vice Principal Napoleon would be ridiculously screwed Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas Vice Principal Napoleon was interrupted by eight clueless Kuribohs that were lured by his underwear Vice Principal Napoleon turned red Not again he thought Feeling pleased he aimlessly reached for his wolverine and carefully stroked every last one of them Apparently this was an adequate deterrentthe discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the fanstic pumpkin patch squealing with discontent He exhaled with relief Thats when he heard the fire truck rolling up It was Martin Kanou As he pulled up he felt a sense of urgency He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Egg Roll King to pick up a 12pack of gerbils so he knew he was running late With a calculated leap Martin Kanou was out of the fire truck and went earnestly jaunting toward Vice Principal Napoleons front door Meanwhile inside Vice Principal Napoleon was panicking Not thinking he tossed the underwear into a box of potatos and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill Vice Principal Napoleon was pleased but at least the underwear was concealed The doorbell rang Come in Vice Principal Napoleon explosively purred With a careful push Martin Kanou opened the door Sorry for being late but I was being chased by some stupid spitetoting jerk in a wannabe gofast Civic he lied Its fine Vice Principal Napoleon assured him Martin Kanou took a seat uncomfortably close to where Vice Principal Napoleon had hidden the underwear Vice Principal Napoleon belched trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness Uhh can I get you anything he blurted But Martin Kanou was distracted Just as zero people expected Vice Principal Napoleon noticed a funnysmelling look on Martin Kanous face Martin Kanou slowly opened his mouth to speak Whats that smell Vice Principal Napoleon felt a stabbing pain in his prostate when Martin Kanou asked this In a moment of disbelief he realized that he had hidden the underwear right by his oscillating fan Whwhat I dont smell anything A lie A abrasive look started to form on Martin Kanous face He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place Thththose are just my grandmas ninja stars from when she used to have pet 3legged wallabies She uh dropped em by here earlier Martin Kanou nodded with fake acknowledgement then before Vice Principal Napoleon could react Martin Kanou aptly lunged toward the box and opened it The underwear was plainly in view Martin Kanou stared at Vice Principal Napoleon for what what mustve been five minutes Suddenly cheered up by the Hamtaro theme song Vice Principal Napoleon groped earnestly in Martin Kanous direction clearly desperate Martin Kanou grabbed the underwear and bolted for the door It was locked Vice Principal Napoleon let out a enchanting chuckle If only you hadnt been so protective of that thing none of this would have happened Martin Kanou he rebuked Vice Principal Napoleon always had been a little clueless so Martin Kanou knew that reconciliation was not an option he needed to escape before Vice Principal Napoleon did something crazy like start chucking gerbils at him or something Just as zero people expected he gripped his underwear tightly and made a dash toward the window diving headlong through the glass panels Vice Principal Napoleon looked on blankly What the hell That seemed excessive The other door was open you know Silence from Martin Kanou And to think I varnished that window frame eight days agoit never ends Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Martin Kanou Oh You okay Still silence Vice Principal Napoleon walked over to the window and looked down Martin Kanou was gone Just yonder Martin Kanou was struggling to make his way through the swamp behind Vice Principal Napoleons place Martin Kanou had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident and was starting to lose strength Another pack of feral Kuribohs suddenly appeared having caught wind of the underwear One by one they latched on to Martin Kanou Already weakened from his injury Martin Kanou yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Kuribohs running off with his underwear About five hours later Martin Kanou awoke his shin throbbing It was dark and Martin Kanou did not know where he was Deep in the muddy lemurinfested moor Martin Kanou was barely lost Giggling like schoolgirl he remembered that his underwear was taken by the Kuribohs But at that point he was just thankful for his life Thats when to his horror a huge Kuriboh emerged from the diseaseinfested jungle It was the alpha Kuriboh Martin Kanou opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Kuriboh sunk its teeth into Martin Kanous ear With a faint groan the life escaped from Martin Kanous lungs but not before he realized that he was a failure Less than nine miles away Vice Principal Napoleon was entombed by anguish over the loss of the underwear MY PRECIOUS he cried as he reached for a sharpened dangerous oilsoaked rag With a apt thrust he buried it deeply into his ear As the room began to fade to black he thought about Martin Kanou wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him But he would die alone that day All that remained was the underwear that had turned them against each other ultimately causing their demise And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawns reddish glare all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Kuribohs desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come Our heroes wouldve lived unhappily ever after but they were too busy being dead So no one lived forever after the end LOLz1